It’s easy to say waterboarding isn’t torture when you haven’t been through it.  Christopher Hitchens, one of the mightiest scribblers of our time, shows us why this is so.

Watch Hitchens subject himself to “aggressive interrogation techniques” and explain its effects here:

Hitchens waterboarded

Check out his disturbing article here:

Believe Me, It’s Torture

Cialis, the male erectile dysfunction solution, may need to rethink its target audience.  After maxing out the demographic of males with erectile dysfunction who own twin his and hers outdoor bathtubs, their current campaign no longer connects with anyone.  

Suggestions for new target audiences:

Men with erectile dysfunction with his and hers outdoor toilets, which some may consider outhouses.

Men with ED with his and her outdoor twin beds with protective railing.

Single men with ED.  The tagline will be: Get up and get out there.

The exhaustion of this target audience comes as a disappointment to the creative team in charge of the Cialis account–they were looking forward to unleashing their newest tagline for the current campaign:

When the time is right, go outside and get in separate dirty bathtubs with no plumbing.  Why not?  You’ve got four hours to kill.  Perhaps more.

I can watch 2,000 channels on a $15,000 television that hangs on the wall like a Matisse but I can’t choose which NCAA tournament game I watch? 

And the internet doesn’t count.

Madness indeed. 

You have to wonder about the David Beckham and Sharpie matchup.  Beckham is one of the world’s most famous soccer players.  Sharpie makes markers.  The connection?  Beckham purportedly uses Sharpie markers to sign autographs for his adoring fans.  Really?  That’s it?  This is the linchpin for the largest integrated global marketing campaign in the company’s 47-year history? 

I don’t think so, my friends.   This is a perfect example of a brand matching up with an international superstar that begs the question: what are these two doing together?  Why should anyone care that Beckham uses Sharpie?  I certainly don’t.  And I doubt many other people will.  If Sharpie were selling soccer shoes or shorts I’d say “Yes, now that makes sense.  If anybody knows soccer shoes it’s Beckham.”  Unfortunately for Sharpie, they don’t sell soccer shoes or shorts.  They sell markers. 

Which prominent people use markers?  Artists.  Get a famous artist to lead your international campaign.  Or get someone from a popular cartoon-The Simpsons, Southpark, Family Guy, take your pick.  How about cartoonists?  The people who draw comic strips.  Any professional who could feasible use what you sell would have a natural fit with your campaign.  It would ad credibility to what you’re trying to do.  And, the people you’re trying to reach may find inspiration in your selection. 

What makes the Beckham marriage even worse is that a worldwide contest is involved with this campaign.  Sharpie loyalists and others will be able to submit their Sharpie drawings to Sharpie’s website.  David Beckham will be selecting the winners.  And then the burgeoning artists will meet their idol, David Beckham. 

It boils down to this: you’re going after artistic people, i.e., people who use markers.  Beckham may be an artist with a checkered ball on grassy fields, and he very well may be brilliant when wielding a Sharpie, but he has absolutely no credibility with this crowd. 

All talented artists: Get discovered by David Beckham.  I’m sure he has connections in the art world.